Relationships are bound together by the communication and trust between the partners involved. Without a healthy dose of either of them, things will inevitably break down over time.
Think of it sort of like doing chores, but without the negative connotations that go along with them. Over time, you and your house or apartment tend to get a little messy and dirty. A regular cleaning tends to make the “stink” go away. The same is true in a relationship. Without trusting and honest communication, the dirt between you two will tend to build up and overwhelm the relationship. By letting each other know how you feel about something, you will wash away that dirt and be left with a nice, clean relationship.
Maybe we are oversimplifying it a little bit, but the point still remains. You have to talk to him or her about what’s bothering you. Don’t let things fester until it spills over into a huge mess. This is true even if you know something will be rather contentious between you and your partner. Would you rather let something slowly build up the anxiety in your head or simply let it out for the other person to know?
Think about it for a second. Seriously, take a second (not a literal second, you know what we mean), and think about the worst case scenario of being honest with someone. Let’s break it down a bit.
- BEST CASE: Partner doesn’t think it’s a big deal / agrees with you / doesn’t mind / resolves the situation
- AVERAGE CASE: Partner doesn’t agree with you / agrees to disagree / talks it out with you / resolves the situation
- WORST CASE: Partner doesn’t agree with you / can’t work things out / dismisses you
Both the best case and the average case has some pretty good outcomes. In both cases, you can either work the situation out or at the very least let each other know how you feel and move on with your life without any suppressed feelings.
The worst case poses a bit of a problem, but really needs to surface if a relationship is going to actually work in the long term. Disagreements are natural. Nobody feels the same way about every single situation. Honestly, if that was the case, the relationship would be rather boring.
So if you find yourself in a situation where neither of you are willing to budge on the feelings and things escalate to the point of no return, maybe it’s time to realize that you aren’t so compatible. Depending on the nature of the incompatibility, the honesty may have just saved you a lot of trouble in the long term. Instead of waiting until you’ve invested years of time and money into something that ultimately wasn’t meant to be, you can just get it all out there immediately.
Remember, “white lies” do end up hurting people. It sounds tempting to just omit certain facts about a situation in order to avoid hurting someone, but the long term suffers for some short term gain. Is it worth it?